Unidentified Flying Objects
You walk outside your trailer, a Pabst Blue Ribbon clutched in your grimy hand and gaze out into the Arizona night. You see a light in the sky, hear an eerie noise and suddenly whoosh, it buggers off into the distance faster than anything ever could. Are you crazy?
You’re crazy because you exaggerated, lied and told the media about things which just plain didn’t happen. You’re crazy because you believe that aliens would ever abduct a drunken nobody like you, you’re crazy because you have an unsubstantiated report and you’re crazy because you think anyone would ever believe you. Believing in UFOs doesn’t make you bizarre, your actions after seeing something as commonplace as a weird thing in the skies of Earth do. If people are calling you “crazy”, chances are that you’re acting as such. Stop that.
Ever since the 50s tales of UFOs, or ‘Unidentified Flying Objects’ have become incredibly popular, but their history stretched back far, far longer than we could ever really conceive.
The first birds were unidentified before we sat down and created ornithology, the first planes must have baffled people and in this dark new world the things we see in the sky are just as alien as those first creatures and crafts. There are even reports of UFOs in the bible, for God’s sake- it’s only in the last sixty or seventy years that people have become fascinated enough to delude themselves that there is something weird about this phenomenon.
So, what makes a UFO into a myth? Well, the Flying Object part is pretty concise- nobody really has any qualms about this because everyone has an implicit understanding of what constitutes one. The important part of a UFO is the U. People are instinctively fearful of things they don’t understand, and fear is a great motivator for fascination. Since time immemorial people have come up with ridiculous theories to explain away this xenophobia, and this isn’t unique to UFOs in any sense of the word.
People were afraid of death, afraid of a hostile, apparently Godless world; so they created God. People are afraid of flying saucers, so they create tales of aliens. It’s the same shit, except without the dogmatic control systems which are universally appealing to those in power, and as such these tales are dismissed as lunacy.
I would like to get one thing straight before we go on: UFOs in the traditional sense completely and utterly exist.
There are too many reports to deny these strange occurrences, from too many people and ratified in too many cohesive independent statements. There is no doubt that there are bizarre things, and that indeed the truthis out there, but blaming the truth on something as unprovable and invisible as aliens? Let’s not go full retard here.
The official line on UFOs varies from instance to instance: Swamp gas, weather balloons, experimental military aircraft, and ball-lightning being just a few of the popular ones, and given that the authorities are more than happy to publish their findings under the freedom of information act I find it ridiculous that people doubt the legitimacy of these explanations. Of course, in the case of experimental aircraft it is prudent for any government to behave in a secretive manner, so of course there are going to be cover-ups of the more radical examples of UFO theory- it’s simply part and parcel of what it means to maintain national security.
One of the things which harms the legitimacy of UFO phenomena are the people who report their sightings or experiences. As I said earlier, if you act crazy people are going to think you’re crazy, it’s simple- and the vast majority of people who sensationalise their UFO stories behave in a manner which is far from believable. Conspiracy theorists make lousy spokesmen, due to high levels of anxiety and a distrust of authority, so they generally forgo proper procedure and post their tales on web forums, tinfoil hats securely moulded to their heads, and this is a true tragedy since these flying objects are so goddamn fascinating.
The only times governments, investigators and journalists take claims of UFO sightings are when they are “mass sightings”, which are specific occasions where multiple credible sources report consistent sightings of the same events. People don’t take the words of men wh0 considerStar Trek to be prophetic masturbatory material seriously.
Well, I think that point has been pretty severely made, so let’s look at some of the UFOs which we now understand!
The Haunebu Device: 1939-1945
Quite probably the progenitor of the tales of “Flying Saucers”, the Haunebu device was a conceptual aircraft built by none other than the villains from Indiana Jones 1 and 3. The Nazis.
The SS E-IV group, a division of the Nazi occult society “The Order of the Black Sun” created, way back in the second world war, a revolutionary electromagnetic engine which used rotational forces to achieve lift. By rapidly spinning a disc-like wing the craft could achieve speeds of up to 21,000kph with a crew of nine by its second incarnation (Haunebu II, 1941).
I’m not going to go into it too much, but it’s thought that this revolutionary (get it?) “saucer” design is the basis for which the majority of disc-craft comes from. If you want to read about the whole project you should definitely check out this website: http://discaircraft.greyfalcon.us/HAUNEBU.htm which details the project in full. It’s fact that these craft existed and were manufactured, but (and this part is speculation) were either too cumbersome or pricey to become the dominant form of aerial unit in conventional warfare.
Could sightings of new “flying saucers” (and the inherent evidence of radiation caused by them) be the spiritual offspring of the Haunebu device created by contemporaneous governments and aeronautics companies? Who knows.
“Wing” Aircraft (1940s-Present)
“Wing” type aircraft are utterly bizarre looking, and have been the cause of mass viewings of UFOs for decades now. The documentary I Know What I Saw which investigated a mass UFO sighting concluded that the largest mass sighting of a single UFO was in fact related to these unconventional aeroplanes.
The sighting in question took place in 1997 and was reported by an entire town, as well as commercial airline pilots, was caught on camera by multiple people and is conclusive evidence that UFO sightings are, on occasion, credible. It was described as “The size of Camelback mountain” and “Shaped like a boomerang”, and is as yet completely unexplained through official channels.
The design is largely understood thanks to the implementation of standard stealth bombers, which use the simple shape to reduce radar image and simplify the use of geometric radar dispersal. So why not just scale this up? It’s my opinion at least that the object in I Know What I Saw was one of these craft, but why not watch it for yourself? It’s awesome after all:
It goes into governmental cover-ups of the event, as well as the politics surrounding the possible craft, and even goes a little into establishing the mass credibility of the townsfolk who reported it. As far as documentaries on UFOs go, this is probably the most journalistically pure, and therefore scientifically viable examples of the existence of a UFO that has ever been created.
Anyway, I digress.
So, some of the reports of UFOs make no sense, and even I can attest to having seen strange lights in the sky which moved in ways which were completely impossible. I looked into these, and no skyworthy craft conceivable to my knowledge could have travelled in such a manner. Not Chinese Lanterns, not UAVs, not conventional aircraft and certainly not anything possible with our current level of technology. This too is a common occurrence.
Lights seen dancing arithmetically in the sky only to shoot off over the horizon are becoming more and more commonplace as we march unavoidably into the 21st century, so what could these be? Aliens? Super-secret aircraft capable of remarkable speed and manoeuvrability? We don’t know. They’re unidentified.
Until we have the means to identify them, I guess we’ll just have to speculate with as much common sense as we can until we have enough evidence to classify these phenomena. Until then they’ll just have to remain UFOs, and while they’re utterly fascinating unless we can maintain our credibility through the strictest adherence to truth-telling and avoidance of hyperbole we’re going to be stuck on the fringes of science.
In short, stop telling people you got anally probed, maybe the world will take UFOs more seriously.
Seriously. Stop it.